I’m going to confess a secret.
I have hardly dated since my divorce 20 years ago.
At first, I was so busy raising my family and building my career that I didn’t feel like I had the time for it.
But, now I am ready.
So I started the process.
The first thing I did was research dating in the modern age and this is what I’ve learned.
Think About What You Want
“Everyone—dating professionals to happily social singles—agrees: You’re more likely to have a pleasant dating experience if you spend some time envisioning what you want out of a date. One single Brooklyn man in his mid-50s with a teen son said he selected only women with children to ask out, reasoning that they’d already had children and wouldn’t be as anxious to start a family as women who had not had children. And Pepper Schwartz, professor of sociology at University of Washington and author of Dating After 50 for Dummies, suggests you pick five major qualities of a potential date as “must haves.” In her book, Schwartz lists 25 attributes (including intelligence, calm, thoughtful and great dancer) and suggests readers pick five to look for. Interestingly, she also includes a list of deal-breaking characteristics (things like if they’re a smoker, not interested in fitness or working) and suggests picking five of those to screen for.” – States firstname.lastname@example.org
My best friend in the world did this on her dating journey.
She sat down and wrote what she was looking for in a man.
She made 3 lists. (She’s an organized gal 😉
One was a “must have”, another a “like to have”, the third was a “dealbreaker list”.
She dated different people for 3 months ‘till she found her soul mate.
This man had all her must haves, some of her like to haves and none of the dealbreaker attributes.
Several years later they are very happy together in a beautiful house they bought!
Embrace your age.
“Feel confident and sexy as opposed to finding ways to hide your age or lie about it. At some point, your age is going to come forward anyway—don’t lie about it today and then have to find ways to come forward with the truth later after you really like someone,” says Kulaga. “Talk about fun life experiences you have had and the goals you still have. Show your age and wisdom in fun, exciting ways that make people want to be a part of your journey. According to article “50 Best Tips For Dating Over 50.“
Remember that being over 50 is wonderful and can be the best time of your life.
You are also the best version of you. Choose to adopt the mindset that someone out there is going to be lucky to have you – no matter what your age.
After all, if you’re not going to date with a positive attitude, why bother?
“Talk about fun life experiences you have had and the goals you still have. Show your age and wisdom in fun, exciting ways that make people want to be a part of your journey. According to article “50 Best Tips For Dating Over 50.“
I honestly believe that there’s no worse way to do this than by hiding who you are.
What if the other person falls in love with the myth you’ve portrayed?
How are they going to feel when they find out? How are you going to feel?
Really, it’s not worth it.
This makes sense to me.
Look at how many women have great relationships with people that are either much younger and much older than they are. A lot of these have stood the test of time. Two couples that brings this to mind are: Brigette (aged 69) and Emmanuel (aged 45) Macron, Michael Douglas (aged 78) and Catherine Zeta-Jones (aged 53).
Both of these couples have been married a long time.
Be open to the possibilities and don’t limit yourself.
“One of the most important things to remember is to ‘Be who you are.’ You don’t have to hide, or portray yourself as someone other than who you really are to attract people. Remember, when you are comfortable with yourself, you can date smoothly and find the person who would love you for your uniqueness”, states in her Shikha Thakur in her article, “15 Important Dos And Don’ts Of Dating After 50”.
The great thing about being over 50 is we are generally comfortable with who we are and how we present ourselves to the world. We don’t feel the angst we used to feel when we were young. Nor do we need to adapt ourselves to our partners.
We are fully formed women who are wonderful just the way we are.
Don’t Be Careless
We believe this might be one of the most important dating rules when you’re over 50 — safety first, as expressed in the article, “The Essential Dating Rules for Over 50”.
Meet in a public place with good light and a decent crowd the first few times you go out with a new date.
Drive yourself there and back.
Do a google search to find out more about your date before you meet them. Tell a few people what you are doing and text them when the date is over and you’re home safe.
Limit your alcohol intake to one or less.
You don’t want to impair your judgement.
Try On-Line Dating
Online dating can be an effective, streamlined way for seniors to meet potential partners, and many people in their 50s, 60s, 70s, and above have found love online. According to one 2020 report from the Pew Research Center, around 16% of people over 50 in America have used a dating site or app, and one in 10 U.S. adults have been in a committed relationship or married someone they met online, writes Kelly Gonsalves, author of the article, “Yes, Online Dating Works For Seniors: 18 Tips For Success”.
I know many people who have found love on dating websites.
This includes my daughter and my best friend, who both found the loves of their lives that way.
Make sure you put in the effort to develop a good online profile with current photos of yourself.
Perhaps you can ask a friend to help you write a profile?
“Become the Person You Want to Attract” wrote Marianne Williamson in “Return to Love”
After you write up all your must haves, would likes to have, and deal breakers, ask yourself if you think a person who fit this would want to be with you?
So if you want someone who is into working out and being fit, do you think they would be attracted to a couch potato? What if they are very socially active and you are a homebody, or you want someone joyful, but you are bitter and resentful?
Be honest with yourself.
Look at your list and ask yourself “would they be happy with me”?
Then if not, do the work to become that person.
Keep your past out of it when you start dating
“Silver Singles might be skilled at helping you find the perfect match, but they can’t help you keep that match. As dates or conversations progress avoid the temptation to bond based on your past. Don’t make your conversation about the baggage from before and the hurt you still feel. You should also try to pull your partner out of dwelling on the past and focus on the present and what you each have“, says Irit Rabinovich, author of the articles, “8 Tips to (Re) Start Dating in Your 50s and Beyond”.
It’s unfortunate, but, not unusual that people have residual bad feelings after the end of a relationship.
It’s unfortunate as this is not a great topic for your first interactions or dates.
Are you looking forward to hearing their sob story? Probably not.
You don’t want to bring negativity to your conversations. Your dates should be fun and enjoyable and something the other person would like to do again.
Dating is something that can be fun and bring an added dimension to your life.
Who knows, you may find the love of your life!
Wouldn’t that be great?